Akikan!

If you like the idea of a show that is entertaining, self-satirical, has 'colorful' characters and manages to save a little room for serious stuff, this could be the show for you. If you are really into deep, complex characters with intricate winding plot twists and you looove super serious business 24/7, this is probably not the series for you. The MAL ratings this show gets don't do it justice. Don't get me wrong, it's no masterpiece, but it's not a ~6.5 either. I can't say what people think of it, but my guess is that a lot of people take it too seriously. Most of theshow really isn't meant to be taken seriously, in fact, I would argue that it's an outright satire of the "Hey look I found the perfect girl for me in a garbage can around the corner and I didn't even have to do anything for it" genre. If you didn't take it that way, you probably ~would~ think it was terrible. A lot of the time, it's just making fun of itself and similar series. If that's going to hurt your feelings, or go over your head, don't bother watching. As a review is "not supposed to be a story summary", I'm going to avoid doing that, and say that simply, the plot is ~not~ what drives this show. The plot is fairly basic, nothing very unique for the most part, though, I will give it credit on the point that it throws in a couple of unexpected serious twists to make things more interesting. In this review I'm going to focus mostly on what I think makes this show - the characters. What I like about this series is that the male lead is not the typical passive male lead character that you would usually see in this sort of series. (Randomly living with a beautiful girl out of nowhere-type) He's outwardly perverted, often sarcastic, and a 10/10 troll...but at the same time is actually a decent human being, and, yes, can even be serious once in a while. Oh, and he's voiced by Lelouch's VA, which is something you can definitely hear when he goes off on his "speeches". (This is more obvious earlier in the series) Melon is a pretty typical female lead, a tsundere, gets very indignant about almost everything, and is totally thrown off by Kakeru's antics. As well, being a 'can', she is somewhat naive, and thus even easier for Kakeru to troll almost constantly. Najimi is a great addition to the cast, (posisbly my favourite) and it's interesting that they managed to make a female character somewhat perverted with it being more amusing than creepy. (The facial expressions she gets are priceless.) Yell is amusing in her "serious business" approach to almost everything, while at the same time, like Melon, she is very naive about certain things. These characters get the most screen time while there are a number of other characters I won't be covering who range between mediocre and awesome. The animation is usually meh, ok, with a couple of episodes being an exception to this rule. (6 and 11, I believe?) The music is pretty average: I wasn't a fan of either OP, though it's kind of neat that the ED is always different. (Miku fans may be pleased to hear that the planned OVA's ED will be 'sung' by Miku) There are a few lines in this series (Like Kakeru tricking Melon about what "Masturbation and Titty Fucking" mean) that really made me kind of go: "Wait...wait...were the fansubbers screwing with us, or did they really say that?" (He really did say that) So, keep in mind this isn't something you want to show your 10 year-old kid or niece/nephew. BEAR IN MIND that these 'shocker' lines are not constant, so much as exceptional "wait, what??" moments. For fansubs: I recommend Coalguys for episodes 1-7, and, well... CommieSubs seemed alright for 8-12. (Chihiro does all of them and is so-so, but they aren't my top recommendation.)

Time to state the obvious what surprisingly hasn't been done yet. Akikan! is probably the worst anime of Winter 2009 season. Maybe even the worst series aired during last year. So after this short, engaging summary let's see why it sucks so bad. Story: Being the strongest point of this series doesn't mean it's good. Just mediocre. Again boy meets gir- pardon, can which turns into girl, they continuously argue with each other but also somehow get along. Later more cans appear and... you've seen synopsis. This story had potential, another romantic comedy but with some possibly interesting additions. Sadly it turns into plain and boringbundle of really overused cliches. Animation: Here goes. Most of the time it's just lousy but still rather acceptable. But if there is any thing outstanding about this series it might be animation failures. You might have heard about episode 2. Thinking about it still sends chills down my spine, watching it makes you want to rip out your eyes. Sound: OP/ED are nothing special, lame and annoying but you can always skip them so no harm. Music isn't even worth mentioning. Characters: Did I mention mediocrity? Average but weird (this time perverted megalomaniac) high school student - checked, girl with superpowers - checked, childhood friend with crush on the main character - checked... and so on. But wait, there is something more, gay person from government who looks like mentally unstable scientist and lesbian witch classmate... thing. Bunch of lovely characters isn't it? Add poor voices (especially loli with speech defect) and voila - you're wondering all the time when they are finally going to die. Enjoyment: Is there still anyone who think this anime is enjoyable? Still?! Well, I was trying to warn you but go ahead, waste your time and mood. Overall: After this rant you probably think I'm biased against this series and exaggerate. But you're wrong. I was trying to keep watching and give it a chance but this anime failed horribly. Surely there are people who enjoy and even like it, that's ok. But let me warn other thousands of nothing expecting potential victims.

Can love between a man and a can bloom? Such profound questions like that will be asked to you as you watch Akikan, perhaps the single worst and most idiotic concept for a TV series ever, and the very moment that question becomes relevant within the series is the moment any drama or tension cannot possibly be taken seriously. Ironic then, that those parts actually end up becoming the most tolerable among these twelve, awful episodes. Most of it is comedy of the lowest grade that is impossible to unironically enjoy with the occasional can racism that comes with some fighting between different types of cans,each with a different special power and attacks whose names show how little effort was put into wrapping this thing up toghether (just for reference, one of these cans is melon juice, is conveniently named Melon, and her attacks are surprisingly named "MELON, MELON, MELON!" or other variations of the word melon). Production values, animation and overall graphic designs of the series are awful and undeserving of something released in 2009 and would probably be mediocre at best if released six or seven years earlier, while the soundtrack offers nothing of value except maybe a shitty but somehow catchy second opening (that conveniently recycles the patchwork of the first opening) and an ending song that isn't necessarily shitty but is sung by shitty vocalists and changes every episode. The award for the most aggravating presence in the series though goes to our protagonist Daichi, easily worse than any main character you can name, whose lines are more or less all facedesk-worthy throughout the series and never come close to being remotely funny or quirky even among these types of perverted male character stereotypes. The supporting cast isn't much better as they all more or less sport an unfunny/cringeworthy quirk that defines them during comedy parts like our protagonist and react in the dumbest ways during drama parts (even for this type of series). It's fairly safe to say Akikan is one of the worst anime TV series in existence and should only be watched as a joke or as a challenge, and even then it manages to disappoint by presenting awfully stupid situations that more often than not cannot be enjoyed ironically due to the sheer amount of cringe in the dialogue. Nothing of value is to be found in what could possibly be the lowest point of studio Brains Base and one of the lowest points of animation in general.

(A Man’s Love for a Can) On a particularly hot afternoon in mid-July, Riku Ranjo was walking along the streets of Tokyo, when suddenly he was overcome with thirst. He searched for a vending machine and found one across the street. He crossed the street, inserted the coins into the machine, and out dispensed a steel can. He opened the can and drank it, until it was empty. Then, he noticed there was an aluminum can image displayed adjacent to the steel ones. Suddenly, he had an inspiration… Which cans are the strongest, steel or aluminum ones? He realized that modern physics and chemistry (i.e. stress and strain test,melting point, mass and weight scale, and ultimate tensile strength) would ruin the story. So, he decided that the cans will turn into magical girls (i.e. akikans) and they will battle each other, until the strongest type remains standing. It was a brilliant idea, and so he turned it into a light novel. The light novel was received well and, soon, it was about to be an anime. [The Creator Meets with the Producer and Director]: [The director and producer are reading some passages from Ranjo’s light novel. Once finished, they put the book down and look at Riku Ranjo.] Director [scratching his head]: I read your light novel and I have to ask. Won’t the viewer think it’s stupid to not use modern science to determine which metal is strongest? Ranjo: I thought about that and realized I needed to turn the cans into girls to prevent modern science from playing a part. Director: But, objectively speaking steel is stronger and heavier than aluminum. Producer [interrupting]: What you may say is true, but the viewer doesn’t know that. That’s why the cans transform into girls, so they can battle it out and decide which metals are strongest. [Ranjo nods in silences.] Director: But…whatever. Okay, what about the cans transforming into girls. I know they transform because you open them and then ‘drink it’, but why girls, and not animals or guys? Is there some type of ‘magical element’ within those cans? If so, what is it? Ranjo [shuttering]: Well…I…it’s complicated. [The director facepalms and shakes his head.] Producer [coughing]: Just ignore the director, he just can’t comprehend the ‘deepness’ of this plot and its lore. About the anime, what do you want to add? Ranjo: Okay. I want to add many girls, preferably more than four, and have lots of action scenes. The attacks of the akikans come from their can’s favor, so for example: 'Budoko shouts grape favor attacks' and 'Melon shouts melon favor attacks.’ Simple and easy. [The producer shakes his head.] Ranjo: Next, the main character will be a ‘kind’, perverted, joke-cracking idiot with next to no brain, his childhood friend will be a kind, gentle and plain girl that gets drunk off of carbonated drinks, and as for the akikans…well, some them are hot-tempered, some are cool and composed, some are completely idiots, and some are unusual. Now, as for the art and sound direction…I’ll leave that to you. Thank you, for inviting me and see you later. [Ranjo stands up and shakes the hands of both the producer and director and leaves. The door closes shut.] Director [still face palming]: Is he gone? Producer: Yes Director [shaking his head]: When I read the synopsis, I thought, “Okay, this is original and weird. Cans transforming into girls. That’s interesting." But, when I read the novel. The story contained a bunch of lame jokes, lots of unnecessary fanservice, and boring school-related crap. All of this crap is going to be in this produced anime! It’s unavoidable! Producer: You don’t have to be that harsh. Well, I somewhat agree that it’s weird. Now, as for the art and sound direction, let’s just hire the cheapest people and let them get to work. I can, already, imagine the viewer's reaction when they hear the generic opening and ending, a typical J-Pop song, perfect. And, the animation design for each character and background scene will be minimum and ugly as hell, especially the main character's spiky hair. Director: Yes, let’s just do that and get this anime series over with! But, I’m being harsh not because of the lame jokes or the fanservice. But, because the novel and, unfortunately this anime that we are producing will never answer the most important question! Producer [confused]: What important question? Director [smashing his hands on the table]: We never find out which cans are the strongest? I mean, are steel cans the strongest or is it aluminum cans? We just don’t know! Producer: Well…I…I don’t know what to say. I guess, we can leave it up to the audiences. But, I’m pretty sure, the audience will not remember this question. Hopefully. Director [sighing]: Yes…hopefully. The End

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