Tekken

Imagine if some Chinese company wanted to cash in on the popularity of Tekken, and made a bootleg anime ripping it off. How would that anime turn out? Most likely, it would look as cheap as chips, be starved of quality action, and have characters and story that exhibit an uncanny valley quality, where they're recognisably taken from the game, but something feels off. Of course, it can't be called "Tekken" (which literally translates to "iron fist"), but probably something similar like "Sekken" (meaning "stone fist" ... or "soap" if you use the wrong kanji). Funnily enough, an atrocity like that already exists! What's more,it ain't even a bootleg - it's the official "Tekken" anime! But while it bears the official name, I'm just going to call it "Sekken", because the thought that this anime is an approved adaptation makes me want to weep. [Note: I write this review mostly from the point of view of a fan of the games. Those unfamiliar with Tekken may not get all the references I make to the games.] As a huge Tekken fan, I went into this anime rather excited, despite reading review after review that ranked "Sekken" amongst the worst anime ever made. For me, the gold standard for fighting game to anime adaptations has gotta be "Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie". While I harboured little hope that "Sekken" would get anywhere close to the quality of the SF2 movie, I nevertheless found myself unprepared for the level of crappiness that assaulted me. Watching "Sekken", I get the impression that the makers struggled a lot: they struggled coming up with great fights; they struggled staying true to the game ... heck, they even seemed to struggle deciding which game to set the anime in. Let's start with the action. An adaptation of a fighting game should in the very least feature great fights. Also, seeing some special moves would be nice cos let's face it - all we want out of these adaptations is a good fan wank. But "Sekken" is the exact opposite of fan wank material - it's a gigantic cock block. Most of the lame battles only span a couple of blows, with the problem exacerbated by Kazuya, who's so overpowered his fights aren't worth watching. The battle between the Williams sisters - fueled by their legendary rivalry - started off promisingly, but gets rudely interrupted by uninvited guests (the closest "Sekken" got to being upgraded from cock block to cock tease). Besides any semblance of excitement, something else missing from this adaptation is the signature moves of the characters: where is Nina's "Blond Bomb", or Paul's "Phoenix Smasher"? And in the case of some regulars like Paul and Law, you don't even get to see them fight - you only see them as part of a crowd during a pan shot. Admittedly, the personalities of the characters that do feature generally stayed true to the game, with the notable exception of Lee Chaolan. I didn't like the change with Lee's personality, but even faithfully portrayed characters did not come off well. At the time, I'd thought perhaps the personalities in Tekken do not translate well to screen, but the more recent Tekken anime "Blood Vengeance", while also not great, showed enough promise to suggest that isn't the case. Then there's the story. The anime claims "Tekken tournament is a tournament that's held every year" ... what bullshit is this? At the time of "Sekken" coming out, the game franchise had three games released and even the closest two tournaments were set a couple of years apart. "Sekken" then proceeded to mix and match the plot elements from all three games as if buying pick 'n' mix. The result was something pretty shit, and if it were going to be shit anyway, I'd rather they'd stayed faithful to the storyline from the games. "Sekken" doesn't deliver on the technical front either. The background music features distracting and intrusive rock tracks, but what's more damaging to the anime is the visuals. One huge problem is that the characters look different from the game. Even with Kazuya, one of the few that looks about right, something's a bit off about his character model. Most of the other characters are barely identifiable from their facial features alone - I had to guess the taekwondo guy is Baek, and the guy in the Chinese outfit Law, because they look nothing like their game counterparts. It's hard to fan wank off characters that you barely recgonise, so once again, "Sekken" has delivered a giant cock blocking punch straight to your groin. The only thing "Sekken" brings to the table is that it provides visualisation for the story of "Tekken", piecing together and expanding on the bits of background info scraped from the game manuals. For example, I liked the way it interpreted the event of Heihachi throwing Kazuya off a cliff - it seemed ridiculous on paper but the anime made it more believable. Because of these things, the movie might *just* be worth a single watch for the most hardcore of fans. At the height of its popularity, Tekken, with its "King of Iron Fist" Tournament, may have inherited the crown of being the King of Fighting Games from Street Fighter for a while. But it comes to anime adaptation of fighting games, "Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie" still reigns as King, and it ain't about to be budged by the likes of "Tekken" any time soon. Peronsal rating: -2.0 (terribad)