Koutetsu Tenshi Kurumi

"Everyone here on MAL says how they are going to stop the spread of Moe, they are going to return anime to the GAR days! Let's be honest, you aint gonna do a God Damn thing! However, I'll tell you exactly what I'M going to do. I'm going to buy more Moe and give Japanese studios more of my money. Get the FUCK outta my way its MOE TIME MOTHERFUCKERS!" -average anime fan. Now that I'm done blatantly ripping off movie quotes, it's time to look at one of the popular late 1990s titles that helped usher in the era of Echii Moe shows! This isSteel Angel Kurumi! What are all the things that anime critics hate the most? I think the prime candidates would be: Echii anime with pointless nudity, Moe art style, bland male MCs that get hot chicks for no reason, catering to random fetishes, and forced comedy. Steel Angel Kurumi not only does ALL of the aforementioned crimes, but that is basically the entirety of the show! You may ask, "why am I choosing to pick on just Kurumi?" Kurumi was by no means the first to do these things and plenty of other titles around this time and even before committed many of these crimes. Obvious examples would include Tenchi Muyo and Love Hina. The difference in my opinion is that Tenchi and Love Hina (at least the manga) actually did SOME things right. Both of those titles actually had memorable characters, actually tried to put some romance in, and didn't just try give boners to adolescents 100 percent of the time! Steel Angel Kurumi on the other hand is just pure, unadulterated schlock. However, this piece of shit was HUGELY popular in Japan and after 24 episodes managed to get THREE more seasons! WHY?! Plot: 2/10 The most interesting thing this story does is the bizarre decision to set the story in the early 20th century despite the plot involving advanced humanoid robots. Apparently Japan was REALLY ahead in robotics in this timeline. The story begins with our bland male protagonist entering a mansion supposedly belonging to a mad scientist on a dare from his jackass friends. Inside the mansion he finds a sexy robot girl and accidentally ends up kissing her. That makes her come to life and want to be his girlfriend...of course. However, the robot girl Kurumi was actually built as a top secret project by the Imperial Japanese military. The scientist who created her didn't wish to see his project used for mass destruction and Japanese imperialism, so he fled with the robot and has been hiding out in the mansion basement. Of course it was such common knowledge that the mansion is where the mad scientist lives that even the jerkass friends knew it, and unsurprisingly so does the Japanese military. The military attack the mansion with a mech suit because...why not? However, Kurumi defeats the mech and saves her new boyfriend from certain doom. This is the start of a very cheesy adventure with LOTS of goofy shenanigans and not a lot of substance. Art: 4/10 The character art looks mediocre even for a late 1990s title and the animation is absolutely atrocious! Who the Hell made this anyways?! The same guys that made the original Berserk anime and Pokemon of course! As much as we all love Berserk, we all know the animation was complete shit! Remember that damn cannon scene? Sound: 3/10 Oh my GOD does the English dub suck! ADV is always a mixed bag, but this is easily one of the worst performances I've ever heard those guys do. The background music may as well not exist, but at least the opening is so bad it kind of has a cheesy charm to it. I DEFY you to listen to the opening theme and frown the entire time. I don't think it's possible! Overall: 2/10 Kurumi was one of the anime that showed studios that you can be popular and sell lots of copies and merchandise with VERY minimal effort. All you have to do is use a cookie cutter formula, have plenty of tits, have a blank slate male MC that male audiences can project on to, and have a cutesy art style and BAM, you will make enough money to get 4-5 seasons of shit! We are now flooded with titles like Ikki Tousen, Green Green, Rail Wars, etc. largely due to the massive financial success in Japan of Steel Angel Kurumi and other series like it during the turn of the millennium. This is a piece of shit anime that left behind a massive legacy of shame for the entire medium of anime. Thanks Steel Angel Kurumi!

Steel Angel Kurumi is a show I expected to absolutely hate, having watched only because I lost a bet. Now that I'm done with it, I've got some very mixed feelings about the thing. Story: 5/10 The story is pretty nonsensical and loose. In short, a prepubescent boy accidentally kisses a robot girl, and he travels around with a scientist and some other robot girls on a quest to do...something? It's all very unclear. There's also some secret science/military group out to get them. None of this is particularly exciting or done well. After the show takes itself too seriously for the last few episodes, the endingis a total cop-out. Art: 5/10 This show is from the turn of the century and also pretty low-budget, and it shows. The backgrounds are bland, the characters look uninspired, and the animation suffers, especially during fight scenes. Sound: 9/10 I'm going to say it right now: if you plan to watch this show, you absolutely need to watch the dub. It falls under the "so-bad-it's-good" category. The titular Steel Angel Kurumi's voice actor seldom uses punctuation and speaks in almost entirely run-on sentences. Another character swears as much as Holden Caulfield, and it's just as hilarious. The lines are pretty bad, but the execution is fantastic. I also just really liked the OP and ED. Character: 6/10 There are 3 Steel Angels, and they're all pretty much restricted to one personality trait apiece. We've got Obsessive, Potty-Mouth, and Lesbian. That's pretty much it for their characters. The main character is an annoying brat, so that doesn't help. Most of the other characters are pretty bland, but the lesbian/pedo detective duo sticks out as the characters that I appreciated. I wish they got more resolution/an entire spinoff show. Enjoyment: 6/10 I absolutely despised the first half of this show. It was too slice-of-lifey, and I couldn't bring myself to care about the conflicts in the show. For whatever reason, around the episode 14 mark, I started appreciating the show a lot more (it was probably because those lesbian/pedo detectives started showing up more). Like I said earlier, the ending was pretty lame. So this is that weird enjoyment graph where it's highest in the middle but low on both ends. Overall: 6/10 Kurumi isn't a terrible show, just not really one worth watching. The episodes are 15 minutes each, so you could get through it pretty quickly if you really wanted to, but while I was watching it I just kept feeling like I could be spending my time better. And if you REALLY want to watch this show, I'll say it again: make sure it's the dub.

The series was good, but all the melodramatic sleepy whispering that the characters did when they were being dramatic really annoyed me. Up until the last four or five episodes it wasn't so bad and the show was really energetic, but those last four episodes the show seemed to take on a completely different atmosphere. The main boy character became so passively melodramatic that I nearly stopped watching, then to suddenly become overly romantic with the steel angel out of nowhere. It simply didn't fit with the rest of what lead up to that point. Up until those last four or five episodes I might havegiven the series an "8" or a "9", but the severe shift in the show brought it down to about a "6". I just really wish they didn't use that freaking passively sleepy whispering for the melodramatic effect, it really made my skin crawl and took away from the show.

I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by Steel Angel Kurumi. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not a good show by far but it has a real sense of fun around it that still managed to entertain me even after all these years. The art is bright and colourful, but the designs were what I'd call typically anime. Though I must admit that the costumes for each of the Angels was quite distinct and memorable. The animation was not so hot. Most of it was acceptable, but the fight scenes (where it really counted) were often animated very cheaply. A punch or kick wasoften done with a still, and a succession of punches was done with repeated cells much of the time. The fights overall were rather poorly choreographed overall, which made them actually rather dull. I was always waiting for the fighting to end so we could get to the funny bits. Each episode is 15 minutes, which is perfect for this show. If it had been the usual 25, then things would have had to been drawn out and it would have been far too long. The story is pretty silly and on occasion pushes your sense of disbelief but it was adequate and is followable. The show does humour the best, I found Kurumi to be a fun character to watch. It takes a turn for the better when Karinka shows up, the chemistry between her and Kurumi made for some good laughs. There is a dramatic element to the show, but it has all the subtlety of an ancient Egyptian building block. The out comes of the villains actions and the big 'OH NO!' moment is telegraphed so early on you act shocked when it happens more out of obligation more than anything else, and its solution is so predictable that it doesn't have much of an impact. The music was pretty bland overall and normally it wouldn't have even rated a mention if it wasn't for that goddamn OP. It's so cheery and poppy, grabs your cheeks and stretches them into a smile. It bores into your skull and it never goes away. Even 4 or 5 years after I last watched it, I could still sing along......love it or hate it, that OPs catchiness is an achievement in itself. Now onto the dub. This was more of an eye opener for me. The dub itself had some very good individual performances, but it still didn't quite sit right overall. Now I say eye opener because in the past I would have described this dub with terms like 'worst ever' and 'bleeding ears', but honestly that's not the case. I think I can put that down to being a 'subs superior' prick when I was new to the hobby. Anyway Kelli Cousins Kurumi captures her every squee, giggle and other mannerisms so well it's scary. The Japanese genki girl does have a certain pitch of voice that Cousins doesn't quite reach, but the rest of her portrayal of Kurumi is so good it doesn't matter. Hillary Haag's trash talking, short tempered Karinka is quite enjoyable to listen to, and I think she matches the original voice in tone. Though Shelly Calene-Blacks deadpan delivery worked well for Mirielle in Noir, it doesn't quite work for Dr. Amagi here, she needed to be a bit more animated. There is something not quite right about Saki, but I can't put my finger on it. The rest of the cast do an adequate job, there isn't one that does their role badly. But still, there still was something wrong. I think it comes down to the script itself. For a show set in 1920s, the script sounds very 21st century, and doesn't quite fit with the rest of the show. If some mannerisms and slang from the period had been written in, it would have sounded much more appropriate. Overall, Steel Angel Kurumi, it's a fairly average show. It's silly and predictable and it doesn't do anything standout, but by the same token it doesn't particularly bad either. Actually I'd say it's probably decent enough show to introduce people interested in the whole robot maid thing, but at 15 minutes an episode I reckon it's an overall good time waster when you need to switch your brain off and have few laughs.

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