Vampire Holmes

Overview: The year 2015 has seen a fair number of truly horrible anime released, but no other series have been met with the sheer disdain and critical revulsion of Vampire Holmes. What is this bizarre little series and just why is it SO bad?! Read on if you dare my friends and I will explain! Story: 1/10 The story of Vampire Holmes was adapted from a popular Japanese smartphone game, which should already be setting off red flags that this show is going to suck! Would you ever want to see a movie adaptation of "Flappy Bird" or "Candy Crush"? The basic premise is that there is ahighly incompetent, lazy, and idiotic spoof of Sherlock Holmes simply named "Holmes". Detective Holmes is accompanied by his assistant "Hudson", who is of course a goofy parody of Watson. Together our 2 imbeciles must save London from vampires...even though at NO POINT do they ever fight vampires! Instead, every single episode follows the following formula: Holmes acts like a jackass, Hudson grows mildly upset, and the episode ends! Art: 0/10 Vampire Holmes actually has the worst looking art I have ever seen in an anime! This looks like something Dingo Studios from Phoenix Games or Video Brinquedo (Brazilian Pixar) would do! To make matters even worse, Holmes looks like a fusion between Sasuke Uchiha and Lelouch vi Britannia, so I want to punch him every second he is on screen! Entertainment: 3/10 Vampire Holmes clearly tries to copy the low budget, ultra random humor style of Inferno Cop and Ninja Slayer. However, the writing is utter shit and most of the jokes completely fall flat. One thing I must point out though, is that Vampire Holmes the game and anime did MUCH better with Japanese audiences because its humor also borrows heavily from traditional Japanese Manzai style humor. Manzai is a stand-up comedy routine in which puns, double entendre, and biting remarks are rapidly delivered between a straight man called the "Tsukkomi" (Hudson) and the funny man called the "Boke" (Holmes). Many of these puns and double entendre don't translate well across language barriers, so basically imagine watching Abbott and Costello's routine "Who's on First" if you didn't speak English and you watched a direct German translation. It wouldn't be funny! Overall: 2/10 Although this IS probably the worst animation I have ever seen in an anime, it is NOT the worst overall anime I have ever seen. Firstly, some moments are actually so stupid they are almost funny. Secondly, it isn't the show's fault that I am not a native Japanese speaker, so hating the show because I don't understand the puns is just as stupid as hating Tatami Galaxy because everyone talks way too fast! I have to realize that I was NOT the intended audience and that alone is not a valid point of criticism against a show. Lastly, there are only 12 episodes at 3 minutes each. This means that a single episode of other equally bad anime like "I Don't Like You at all Big Brother" waste as much of your time as the entirety of Vampire Holmes. Vampire Holmes knows it is shit and doesn't really overstay its welcome. You the audience watch in disbelief at the bad animation, perhaps laugh at a few terrible jokes, and then it is all over. Sadly, this is a MUCH better experience than sitting through many horrible anime I have watched. TLDR: It isn't actually deserving of "worst ever" but it is still REALLY bad! Don't watch it under any circumstances unless you are a masochist or a native Japanese speaker who can actually understand and appreciate the humor!

I want to tell you readers a story. Vampire Holmes has been a strange beast since day 1. After the raw untranslated version was released, no major subbing groups heeded the call. However, Last-Subs did. Last-Subs, a mysterious and intriguing group, published their subs on nyaa when nobody else did. Not as a video release, with the subs placed over the already-existing raws, but just as a .ass file. If you wanted to watch with their subs, you had to do it yourself, downloading a raw and then adding the .ass file in afterwards. And boy, was it worth it! Last-Subs may very well have been made by puttingthe script into Google Translate. It's that level of terrible, so bad that it's amazing. The first 2 episodes alone contain such great lines as: "The only people who use the floor as a bed are the losers." "Ate recently, in addition has to work because we are bankrupt." "This very seriously." "Damn, my face is fused to the bedroom floor." The actual show itself is terribly uninteresting and low-quality, but Last-Subs made it totally worth watching. I was laughing my ass off for those glorious 2 minutes and then looked forwards to next week's release. I'd rate those episodes as 10s. But after episode 3, Last-Subs went strangely silent. There were no more fansubbing groups for the show. I practically gave up. Then I learned that viewster hosts the show's official release. With actual coherent subs, the show lost all of its joy and meaning. I held off, then watched episodes 4-12 in one day (The whole series only takes 24 minutes). It was a pretty miserable experience, and the "Vampire" part of "Vampire Holmes" was entirely nonexistent. I'd rate those episodes as 1. Taking all of this into account, I found the average score of the show through its individual episodes. 10+10+10+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1 / 12 = 3.25, rounded down to 3. In conclusion, definitely watch the Last-Subs versions of the early episodes, and you can safely ignore the rest.

Vampire Holmes Peak anime. The greatest show ever created. A lucious meal filled with every delectable dish you could ever imagine. That’s what comes to mind whenever my brain gives me the pleasure of thinking about Vampire Holmes. More wondrous thoughts have never graced the mind of an individual; if anyone rates Vampire anything below an undoubted and indisputed masterpiece, I will personally find them to torture them in any way imaginable, from extracting nails to psychological vengeance. If I had to go even one day without the orgasm-inducing flawlessly produced expertly woven story of philosophical depth that Vampire Holmes is, I would baja blast mybrain out. Characters What is there not to like? Holmes likely has the greatest and most profound development I’ve ever witnessed. He begins as a cowardly and unsuccessful detective, riddled with the struggles of life and living alone in a dilapidated mansion. By the end he is an inspiring hero, his glory rivaling that of Norse gods. He is cool, calm, and calculated, every movement meticulous and purposeful. Even so, Holmes is still a caring character. If anyone ever was carved out to be an exemplary man, it’s Holmes. For example, in Episode 7, he shows his compassion to the sickening and brutal robber, a man thought to be irredeemable, by diffusing a stressful situation with his kindness and brilliant mind. He could have easily shot the abhorrent and loathsome bandit, but with quick thinking and even quicker sleight of hand, Holmes expertly managed to switch his real gun to a play one, effectively saving his loving partner as well as giving the scum of the earth robber another chance. The man reminiscent of 6ix9ine was almost certainly able to turn his life of crime around and learn to work hard to support his struggling family, all because of Holmes' compassionate character. Holmes is a man of extraordinary wisdom and knowledge, a man of perfect understanding, a man of goodness itself personified. Although he is obviously the greatest human to have ever lived, he is still exceptionally relatable because of the incredibly realistic struggles he has to face. Holmes is a character marred by life, but he always emerges victorious, which is the true joy of watching his character. Hudson, the other major protagonist, is also amazing. His undying devotion to Holmes even when he’s going through terrible circumstances is undoubtedly heartwarming; he is the perfect partner for Holmes. Hudson brings a whole new perspective to Holmes’ life, and he is certainly entertaining to watch. Also, the wonderfully woven subplot of romance between him and Christina is potentially the greatest romance I have ever witnessed; I must admit, I cried multiple times. The characters of Vampire Holmes are spectacular examples of what realistic and emotionally moving characters can be, I am absolutely blown away. 10/10 Plot Vampire Holmes’ plot proves to be just as awe-worthy as the characters are. The pacing is superb, action and tension await at every turn but space is still left for deeply emotional moments that are often tear inducing. The amount of content that fits into 36 minutes of screentime is absolutely mindblowing. Although a third of the show consists of the OP, no content is lost within a useless song. In my opinion the OP may be the strongest aspect in the entire show. Symbolic attributes woven together with intricate and thought provoking themes allow the OP to be the crowning element of the show. The phrase “everlasting love” is played a total of 48 times in the OP, indicating how important it really is. This phrase can symbolize a multitude of things. For example, it could be a reference to the epic romance of Hudson and Christina, or Hudson’s undying loyalty and love towards Holmes. Also, it could exemplify how compassionate Holmes is. “Everlasting love” is the perfect phrase to describe how much I enjoy this series, and the extreme depth and weight it adds to this show is worthy of rejoicing. That being said, it shouldn’t detract from how incredible the rest of the show is. Vampire Holmes has the number one spot on my list of astounding plots, as it manages to merge multiple genres into one thrilling ride of action, betrayal, love, drama, horror, romance, friendship, gore, cleanliness, torture, glory, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, atheism, cool stuff, more cool stuff, really cool stuff, extremely cool stuff, the coolest stuff, everlasting love, romance, love, kindness, romance and love, everlasting love, nudity, PG, Attack on Titan, One Piece, Death Note, dogs, Clannad, some more cool stuff, and shit. Basically, Vampire Holmes is the best part of anything. No matter who you are, it’s guaranteed that you will get something out of Vampire Holmes. The plot is a perfect shell of chocolate, surrounding every character to push them to evolve and develop in the face of adversity and to encapsulate exemplary cinema concisely and creatively. 10/10 Themes Now we get to the deepest part of the show. Vampire Holmes proves to be even more thought provoking than shows such as Monster, and the terrific tapestry of tangible yet tumultuous themes that this show displays is undeniably a masterpiece. The deep philosophical topics will topple any obstacles you had in your mind regarding life and will provide optimal content for contemplation; it’s chock-full of thoughtful elements and void of any plotholes. After I finished, I was in a trance-like state for almost a month straight, simply because it was too deep. My life was completely altered; I found myself in much happier place and was able to turn my life completely around because this show was so amazing and perfect wow I cannot believe how much of an impact it had my thoughts are divulging into terror and exultation I have reached a new plain of understanding I am now a higher being who has transcended time and space to become the ultimate vampire detective compassionate like Holmez yet still only a studen my listlesss works spill fruitlessly from my lip as an unheaded recommennation to wach Vampire Holmes I am a proVHet listen to my woVHs ignorant chVHdren of the eVHVH we are all deVHVHd to die we must worship worship worship we bVHVHe because the alternativejsjs is to live in fear and the unknown is terrifyingsjwiis VAMPIRE HOLMES is our Godsjakoa we believesjsksn that we will see jssmshshhshsh Holmes with Hudson on his rightndksoskddndndndHSOWKENOEPWPLVHVHVHVHVHVHVHVHVH!!!!??!!92926302029!?VH Final Thoughts This show sucks but is somehow amazing Final Rating: 1/10 Do Watch: honestly watch it because it’s short

WARNING: THE SUBS FOR THIS ANIME ARE HORRID! I just finished watching a ONA which had 5-minute episodes, and I really liked the duration. So I searched for new series which had short episodes and ran into Vampire Holmes. First of all, most of the reviews in this page are useless. You MUST watch ALL of the episodes to know the story of this... thing. Watching 4 or 5 episodes or even 10 is not enough. I do not consider that a good thing though. There are a lot of joke reviews for this, but I'm deadly serious. STORY: 5/10 I'll start by saying that this anime doesn't evenfollow the synopsis it has. Holmes NEVER searches for vampires, he is not a vampire either, he doesn't work with the Metropolitan Police of London or nothing like that. I really can't understand why did the studio give that synopsis if it's completely made up. So the story is about Holmes, a lazy bum who yells at Hudson while sitting all day in a couch. Or the floor. Or whatever. He never does nothing, even though Hudson constantly brings him cases, he just gives up after 30 seconds. He even likes to tell REALLY bad jokes at any time imaginable. Also a weird talking cat called Kira appears all of a sudden in some random episode without a reason. --SPOILERS-- But in reality, Holmes is an incredibly well disguised dark-mage, super intelligent man who can solve 4 cases at the same time. WTF. I seriously believed it all the way through the series. At least this is well done. This is when I talk about when I say you must watch all the episodes. The watcher doesn't have even a hint of this until the 11th episode. Why? It's another mystery. ART: 1/10 Wow, this is bad. I think it killed my eyes. Even I can do a better job. I understand that this is a supposedly an adaptation of a smartphone game, but that isn't even a poor excuse. It's so poorly drawn... I think it has the same 4 frames for each character. God, it's so bad I can't find words to describe it. SOUND: 5/10 OP and ED are the same and is surprisingly good! I'ts playing in my head all the time, I don't know what happened. Apart from that, there is no music or anything, just the same weird sound effects for every episode. And talking about the opening, I wonder why starting from the 7th episode the opening has some random sound effects in the back? What do they mean? CHARACTER: 4/10 If you ask me who Hudson is, well... I don't have the slightest idea. Vampire Holmes just centers in Holmes even though (I consider) Hudson is the MC. I don't know exactly what Kira is either, but I don't think I want to know. Besides this, Holmes is has a decent story. ENJOYMENT: 8/10 Something above from 5! This is advancing. I don't know why, but this is SO bad that I just had to watch it. Every time an episode came out I just felt the necessity to watch this. I don't know, I think I wanted to know if this was going to follow a story. But I really enjoyed it for some reason. I think I've gone crazy. Please don't judge me. OVERALL: 4/10 -You have to watch all of the episodes to know the story. -The synopsis is a lie. -The animation is SO BAD it hurts. -I want to punch Hudson in the face. -The OP is good and catchy. -It has a pretty decent voice acting. -It's so bad, it's funny. Don't take this series too seriously. Millawls' review said in the enjoyment section "I'm just enjoying the glorious train wreck." and it's the same for me. If you have time to kill, watch it, it's 24 minutes long and decent, but just for the ending. I just hope new short-episode ONAs start the next season.

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