Marudase Kintarou

What the hell did I just watch? Marudase Kintarou is weird in every sense of the word. It's so unimaginably ridiculous, illogical and stupid that it makes you question why someone decided to create this. The movie starts with a disclaimer saying that there are going to be some indecent/vulgar expressions ahead, and oh boy, they certainly weren't kidding! For the next 9 minutes, I got to witness some of the most absurd things I have ever seen in my life. The "story", if it can be called so, centers around Makoto, the chairman of Onodera Academy (the school building is shaped like a dick by theway) and Kintarou, his childhood friend. After being friends for so long, Makoto and Kintarou have grown affectionate feelings for each other and started dating. However, the staff of a certain academy (I don't remember their fucking name) want to tear them apart and marry off Kintarou. So they think of various ways to sexually harass Makoto and make Kintarou their own. The first segment of the "movie" shows Makoto being tied down naked in front of everyone in the school. And as everyone's watching, an old looking dude (he's the principal, I guess?) decides to stick his "little guy" in Makoto's butt. But fear not, as Kintarou is here to save the day! This sexy half-naked ninja uses his stellar acrobatic skills and his "divine sword" to defeat the old guy, and resques Makoto from his hands! I wish I was joking. Like this first segment, the entire movie is an absolute clusterfuck. Things just happen here one after another. But why do they happen? For what reason do they happen? Who the fuck knows? Well, I sure don't. There are three other "story" (again, if it can be called so) segments in the movie, which are almost as nonsensical as the first one. In terms of ridiculousness, the last segment easily takes the cake, though. That really says something, doesn't it? The animation was okay. Nothing too spectacular, nothing too horrible; it was perfectly average. But to be honest, the dick censors were kinda funny. The background music was basically nonexistent, but the ending song was not so bad. Though, I'm certainly not a fan of the "video" (it was just an image) accompanied by it, that showed Makoto and Kintarou being "lovey-dovey" with each other. Last but not least, my enjoyment of this piece of work. I typically enjoy absurd stuff quite a bit, but only if it's done right. I mean, Plastic Neesan is mostly absurd and pointless, but it's still really hilarious because the absurdity is done a tasteful way. Does Marudase Kintarou do it tastefully? Hell no! And would I watch it again? Double hell no! So yeah, that concludes my review of Marudase Kintarou. If you ask me whether it is worth to watch or not—if you have 9 minutes on your hands to waste, I guess go for it; it's going to be a fairly unique experience. But if you value every single minute of your life, then yeah.... Don't watch it.

For what it's worth, I enjoyed it. Not every anime has to have riveting story and fluent animation and this is one of many 4/10 animes where you can get as much as enjoyment out of watching 8/10 anime. At the end of the day, that's all that matters. Hence, I'm giving it 8/10. It's only 8 min; watch it: They fit entire season worth of shit into 5 min...pretty nice because I will remember as much of the plot as that of one piece even after watching 700+ episodes of it. Both will leave vague memory in my mind but one of them didn't take2 months. They even had a little plot twist at the finale too. Pretty cool.

I am speechless... While I was watching, all I could think was: "Is this real? Who approved this? Who thought it was good enough to show to others? What is happening?" and most important: "Why I am watching this?" There is no story, the characters... well, there is mentioning of names but nothing else about them, there are d*cks everywhere and characters' attacks using their d*cks because... I can't really understand why, but they are always losing their pants. Honestly, I couldn't focus on art or sound because well, you can imagine the reasons by reading the previous paragraph. But obviously, I am not rewatching this becauseI am pretty sure it's nothing remarkable and it cannot save the lack of story and enjoyment.

The most anime you will ever watch! Are you tired of watching the same clichéd animes over and over again? Are you tired of never finding something worthwhile to watch while you're high as a kite? Are you tired of the same repeating boring pornography? No need to fret anymore! Marudase Kintarou is the most anime you will ever need! In less than 10 minutes this anime accomplishes what other animes never managed to do!Stop looking at ratings or read reviews anymore! This anime is the one that you've been looking for your whole life! So grab a beer, get stoned and watch this complete masterpiece that will blow your (hopefully only this) mind! Disclaimer: All the stunts present in the anime are performed by a trained professional. Please do not try them at home.

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