Hametsu no Mars

[Death of an Anime Viewer] Ivan was your average, everyday, normal viewer, he had just finished his latest anime series, and was searching for a new one to watch. While, reading the reviews of several shows on MAL, he came across the infamous Mars of Destruction. He had heard many horrible stories, regarding this particular animation. He read the reviews and noticed that many people called it "the worst anime ever.” He thought to himself, “This can’t possibly be true. Even the worst anime has one redeeming feature. I have to see this for myself.” He immediately typed in the words “Mars of Destruction” in Google andfound a video of it on Youtube. He clicked the video and it began to play. Little did Ivan know that clicking and playing the video would be the biggest mistake in his entire life. As soon as the video started, he noticed the shoddy animation/art such as, the lack of facial expression on the characters, the awful character designs, the camera shaking, and the undistinguishable characters. The sound was uneven some parts being loud and some being soft, the Beethoven music felt out of place and distracted him from the fight scene, and the voice acting was subpar. The story was filled with many unanswered questions, like why did these ‘Ancients’ attack, who developed AAST, who is Takeru’s father, why choose Takeru of all people, why do the girls seem ill-trained for combat, why use shitty weapons against the aliens, etc. The questions were endless. And, all the characters were undeveloped, their intelligences level were equivalent to that of a rock, their emotional levels were nil and their dialogues were laughable, especially when the doctor stated that the headless girl wasn’t going to survive. No shit, doctor! No shit! Once, the video was over, Ivan’s eyes were closed and his ears were covered with his palms. He tried to not remember the horrible anime, but it was too late. His brain began to recall the shitty characters, the shitty animation, the shitty story and the shitty sound. He could feel his brain melting, it was slowly turning into a puddle of slush. Suddenly, the slush oozed out of his ears and nose, and trickled to the floor. He felt the slush in his hands and on his face. Then, immediately, he lost all feeling in his arms and legs, and fell to the floor. He was dying, albeit slowly. At first, he panicked, but soon realized that it was better to die than be tortured by the images and sounds of Mars of Destruction. He thought to himself, “Damn! There really was no redeeming feature in that show. That truly was the worst anime ever! The world needs to know of my fate!” He went onto MAL and wrote a short review, and then submitted it. Afterwards, he died, but before he passed away, he hoped that somebody had read his warning review; a warning, for those who are curious, that Mar of Destruction will literally melt your brain. The End

Today I had the sudden inspiration to write a review on the unfathomably glorious and unparalleled masterpiece that is Mars of Destruction. Here is a breakdown of why Mars of Destruction is THE most epic anime ever created. Plot The story is one of the best I have ever seen. Martians invading the Earth for absolutely no properly explained reason? Wonderful! The main protagonist, Takeru, having to fight these creatures and endure the pain brought about by the mars suit which he wears? So dramatic! And the female characters are part of a well designed special alien fighting group called the AAST with Takeru, and theyall have their very own unique skill that they never use because they are always seen with the same exact gun. Now the best part is the climatic battle scene against the alien leader. Just seeing Takeru's arm being broken after 5 seconds of fighting was so painful to watch! The girls valiantly tried to stop the alien, but they just couldn't handle his special ability "death grip", which is him basically grabbing the girls' necks and choking them without doing ANYTHING else. I shouted for joy when, after having a 3 minute conversation with a green haired girl while his other companions were getting choked to death by the alien, Takeru used some random untested weapon that was randomly given to him by the random green haired girl to blow a hole through the alien who SAW Takeru about to shoot him but didn't move at all. At the very end, the plot takes a psychological turn when it is discovered that the Martians are the earthlings and the earthlings are the martians. ;o; Shocking, I know. It's just so amazing how fantastic the plot is of this 20 minute show! Art My eyes frickin MELTED from the exquisite animation of this show. You may not believe it, but the female characters, who had the same exact faces, outfits, and figure, actually had different colored hair, which all had their own unique design. The alien leader looked different from the other aliens, which I believe helps emphasize his superior character. The fight scenes, oh my gosh the fight scenes were animated BRILLIANTLY! Especially the one between Takeru and the alien leader, it was such a powerful battle, and it brought forth numerous emotions, especially when they stood staring at each other while doing absolutely nothing for five minutes. The art in this show is just gorgeous. Sound This show had no opening or ending theme, but that's okay! The insert songs were more than enough for my ears to listen to. My personal favorite was when, during the climatic battle between our heroic protagonist and his dastardly foe, a piece written by Beethoven plays in the background. Thats right, this show has the budget to insert one of Beethoven's classical arrangements into the anime. It's just so amazing! Characters Mars of Destruction has some of the most interesting and dynamic characters that I've even seen. They even go as far as to name each and every one of the four female leads. The backstory of the protagonist Takeru was one of the most emotional moments of anything ever created. It was gut wrenching when his dad forced him to wear the mars suit. Oh, the feels! I also find it necessary to point out my personal favorite character, known only as the girl from AAST. In the very first battle, she valiantly stood firm against the alien aggressors, and never moved from her position. My jaw dropped in shock as an alien shot a beam of light or something from his mouth and it blew off the head of the AAST girl. I cried when, in the hospital, the doctors deduced that she was dead after thoroughly analyzing her headless body. I sincerely hoped that she would survive, but alas, it was not meant to be. She died a true hero. Enjoyment If you don't find this show entertaining, then I don't know what else could possibly satisfy you. Everything about this show screams perfection, from the fantastic plot right down to the music by Beethoven. My eyes were glued to the screen for the entirety of the 20 minutes in which this show ran, and it was possibly the greatest 20 minutes of my life. Thank you Idea Factory for providing the world with this exceptional anime!

This anime is...not very good. In fact...it's sculpted out of shit. The only reason somebody could ever watch this show is because it is the most lowest rated peice of trash on MAL. Heck, that was actually the reason I watched it. Story: Well, I've seen powerpoint presentations that had more plot than this anime. Even a video of someone playing tetris may very well have more plot. Unfortunately for this anime, its "plot" was the best thing about it. Art: Seems as though the developers took every single opportunity they had to NOT move the characters...not move anything in fact. The beginning credits seem good asthey come in and then you realise that they just disappeared. No fade. No nothing. Complete crap. You'd think that the developers could have at least not screwed up the opening credits. But no...they did. Sound: Classical music? Right. At least they could have picked the right music, but no, they picked music during the combat that made it seem like the main character (wait, there are characters in this?) was dancing with the alien. Completely out of place music, none of which was made by the developers of this anime. All free stuff that can be downloaded off the net. This anime brings shame to this music. Characters: Lol. Enjoyment: Well, no matter how sad of an excuse this is for an anime, it still has some good points, such as...wait, no it doesn't. Also, you'd think that this anime is worth watching just to laugh at how bad it is, but it's actually worse than that. There is nothing to laugh at except when some random girl gets her head blown off. In fact, that is the only reason I am giving this an enjoyment rating of 4. Overall: Completely terrible anime. Only anime that is worse than this shit is Girls Bravo with english dub.

This anime seems very bad on the surface. Blood shows up as a solid red substance that explodes into a pillar out of a character’s neckhole. This anime has that dumb shaky camera thing that was used in the movie Cloverfield, except nobody is filming this, so what the fuck? It’s not just the camera thing, characters look like they’re vibrating whenever they try to walk or move any part of their body. One possible explanation that I came up with is this: in the futuristic world of this anime everyone has seizures when they try to move. This is probably due to inbreeding thatwas most likely caused by incest anime. That’s legit societal commentary right there. Characters are all nameless and have no personality to speak of. They are so dumb that they need a doctor to tell them that decapitation is often fatal. They are so useless that even a training montage cannot save them from destruction. They are experts who suck at everything, including life. They are masters of various fighting styles, but they couldn’t hit an elephant’s ass from three centimeters away. Their faces are completely identical, but luckily their hair makes it kind of easy to tell them apart. Just kind of. The voice acting consists of lines read monotonously, pointless growls, or uninspired squeals, and is generally pointless. We don’t care about these characters. They don’t care about each other. They have absolutely no reaction when their friend’s head is blown off. They don’t even try to avoid their own deaths. They just kinda stand there.Hell, most fight scenes were just people standing in one spot and making noises at each other. The plot made zero sense and had no logic to it at all. Classical music was misplaced and used in the least fitting way possible. It was actually impressive how badly placed it was. In fact, you could try to make something worse than this anime, but you would almost invariably fail. So why am I not giving it a 1? Because I liked it. Why? Well, I could justify it in a lot of different ways. If you see me in a museum I’ll probably be that one douche who always pretends to understand the abstract art. I could say that this anime is brutally nihilistic à la Blood Meridian. I could say that the guns are phallic symbols and the whole anime is a Freudian commentary on the feminist movement. I could say it was a brilliant parody of “teenagers defend the earth” anime like Neon Genesis Evangelion, or of anime like Lain that have convoluted and hard to understand sci fi plots, and then I could lambast detractors as superficial for criticizing the audiovisuals of such a brilliant and philosophical masterwork. But that would all be unnecessary bullshit (although the anime was very arguably an NGE parody) because it was funny regardless. I laughed the whole way through. That automatically gives this anime more value than the vast majority of anime or manga that I have experienced. I don’t really care if the humor was intentional or not. The viewer’s interpretation overrules the creator’s intent. I watched it as a comedy; I hereby declare it a comedy. It’s impossible to take seriously anyway. In a measure of laughs per second it could go laugh for laugh with any other comedy anime I have ever seen and always come out on top. A comedy anime only really needs to be funny to be good, although effective satire could always help boost its score. This anime might not be deep, it might have shit audiovisuals, but it was very very funny. My stomach hurts from laughing. That is all.

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